How to Survive the School Run: My Very Own Episode of The Crystal Maze 🏃‍♀️🌀🚸

If you’ve ever had the pleasure (and by pleasure, I mean daily chaos) of navigating the school run, you’ll know it’s less of a walk in the park and more like a live-action episode of The Crystal Maze. And yes, I’m talking about the original one—complete with Richard O’Brien’s quips, except the riddles come from your 4-year-old, and there’s no promise of a crystal at the end!

I picked a school within walking distance, feeling all virtuous about how we’d enjoy fresh air, get our steps in, and bond over casual morning conversations. Picture the scene: me strolling leisurely, buggy in tow, 4-year-old walking beside me like a mini explorer. Sounds perfect, right? Oh, how naïve I was.

The Reality: Dodging Cars Like a Pro

Turns out, no one else got the memo about walking. Most parents seem to prefer the drive right up to the gates method, turning the street into a car park-meets-race track. As we approach, I find myself channeling my inner action hero, weaving through the traffic like I’m dodging obstacles on a particularly challenging game show.

There are cars parked in places I’m fairly sure defy the laws of physics and Chelsea tractors as far as the eye can see. It’s less a peaceful walk and more of a careful dance around the never-ending stream of vehicles. Why did I think walking would be relaxing again?

The Buggy Obstacle Course

As if the traffic dodge wasn’t enough, let’s talk about navigating the buggy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good challenge—but trying to steer through a sea of oblivious parents blocking every path? That’s another story.

It’s like they’re all participating in a game of statues, standing perfectly still, blissfully unaware of anyone trying to pass by. “Excuse me, excuse me…” becomes my morning mantra as I artfully manoeuvre around conversations about after-school clubs and lost PE kits. At this point, I’m half expecting someone to hand me a stopwatch and shout, “Time’s up!” as I desperately try to make it out of the school grounds.

The Long Escape

Speaking of making it out, let’s just say I’ve never appreciated my ability to teleport (aka virtual work) more. While some parents make a beeline for the office, I spend a good 30 minutes just escaping the school grounds. It’s like the final challenge—after dodging cars, navigating crowds, and surviving endless small talk, you must now make your grand exit, buggy intact.

At last, we make it out, and I’m left reflecting on my choice to walk. But here’s the silver lining: I’m a virtual assistant, and after surviving the gauntlet, all I need to do is head upstairs to start my workday. No mad dash to catch the train or wrestle with rush hour traffic. I definitely don’t miss the daily commute to work! 🚶‍♀️🚗🛒

The Verdict

So, what have I learned from my daily school run obstacle course?

1. Walking distance is a great idea… but only if you’re prepared to navigate the many layers of chaos.

2. The buggy might double as a battering ram if needed.

3. The school run should be an Olympic event.

4. At the end of the day, there’s nothing like dodging the daily commute and having the freedom to simply head upstairs to work (or back to bed—no judgment).

For now, I’ll keep navigating the school run with pride, avoiding the morning traffic, and maybe one day, I’ll even make it out of the school gates in under 15 minutes. But until then… wish me luck! 💪🎒